what's a motto with you?

for those of you who are not aware, portland has a motto..."keeping portland weird." now, i'm not sure if this is the official motto, or if it's something that somebody made up. but, you can buy t-shirts and bumper stickers, so that seems pretty official to me. i think it's fitting, because portland is kind of a weird city. however, among the weird you'll find quite a bit of the cool as well. and this is what i love about this city, it's extremely eclectic. i think this point is proven when you go out to dinner downtown and somebody can make the following statement..."i've always wanted to go to the building with the giant octopus on it!"

this building houses a great restaurant called "greek cusina." there was nothing odd about the restaurant itself, just the giant octopus outside and maybe the octopus lights inside. which makes me question...is there something about Greece that relates to the octopus that i don't know about? anyway...this was Ang's choice for her birthday dinner....Happy Birthday, Ang! (much better choice than sushi last year...i'm just sayin') i'm kind of surprised how much i like greek food, in fact i'm salivating right now thinking about the pita's.

after dinner we went to a coffee shop called Rimskey's.

it's in this really cool old house and it might just be the definition of eclectic, complete with its mismatched dishes, rotating table, and random decorations hanging from the ceiling. although, we soon found that the strangest thing about this cafe, was the bathroom...i'll let the pictures speak for themselves.

gives whole new meaning to the phrase performance anxiety. yes, those feet are hanging from the ceiling and Jess wins the price for bravery. overall, it was a fun night and a great new experience with portland culture.

uselessness, just taking up room...

alright, i'm going to let you in on a little secret. i wake up with random songs stuck in my head (this morning it was taylor swift's "teardrops on my guitar"). i also quote movies, trying to pass off clever lines as my own genius. i drive my roommate's crazy with random tidbits of trivia while watching movies and tv shows, such as which actor was originally up for the role, or who shares their birthday with who. the "fun fact" i'm quoting is usually something i've read somewhere, or heard on the radio or tv. it most likely stems from my slight obsession with the internet movie database (imdb.com) where you can find anything you've ever wanted to know about actors, tv shows, or movies. i'm just not sure why my mind absorbs this information and locks on to it. i'm pretty sure it's an illness. i call it my tumor (not unlike john travolta in phenomenon).

so, since this useless knowledge is taking up room, i though i would share it with all of you. here goes...

1. the wonder years...i loved that show, but i think i loved the theme song more..."with a little help from my friends" by the Beatles. great lyrics! i would hope that a good friend would still be there if you sang out of tune (although i've learned that my cat hates it. he will lie on the ground rolling around making funny noises, weird). and aside from the line about getting high, i think i really do get by with a little help from my friends.

useless trivia: the girl who played becky slater (kevin's first girlfriend) originally tried out for the role of winnie cooper, but lost out to her sister danica mckellar. takes sibling rivalry to a new level.

2. the emperor's new groove... (one of my all time favorite movies)
pacha: uh-oh
kuzco: don't tell me. we're about to go over a huge waterfall
pacha: yep
kuzco: sharp rocks at the bottom?
pacha: most likely
kuzco: bring it on

i feel like this conversation between pacha and kuzco could apply to so many areas of life. i think far too often i live life in such a comfortable place that my true response is "sharp rocks at the bottom?" well, then i'll do my best to paddle in the opposite direction because that doesn't sound like something i want to be a part of.

useless trivia: patrick warburton (aka: putty from seinfeld) improvised when "kronk" hummed his own theme song....the disney legal department had patrick sign all rights to the humming compostition over to them.

3. this really is of no use or importance, but much like left ear in the italian job, i want a "house in spain with a room for my shoes".

useless trivia: edward norton only agreed to be a part of "the italian job" because he was contractually obligated to. he had a three movie contract with paramount and apparently this movie was the lesser of the evils.

just in case you were wondering, the freakish memory also applies to somewhat normal day to day things, such as birthdays, or my cousins address from about 15 years ago (even though she's moved about 20 times since then), and my 5th grade "boyfriend's" phone number. i tell you, it's a sickness.

useless trivia: john rich, of big & rich, turned 34 in january, which only makes him 3 years older than me. scary! it tend to think people who have accomplished as much as he has must be older and much wiser than me.

nothin' but the tail lights

i love to travel, i do. and, when it's traveling for work and not necessarily for pleasure, i'm ok with that. however, sometimes, i believe you can have too much of a good thing. and, that's exactly what the past two months have been for me...too much of that good thing.

back in october i took a trip to Riverside California for Kaleo conference. i traveled with a co-worker and 4 high school students to the campus of Cal Baptist. this campus was so beautiful that for a brief second i considered going back to school. luckily, sanity reclaimed me before i made any drastic decisions.
the conference, which was two days long, was intended for students (high school, college, and seminary) who felt called to something more. it really made me miss that college environment and all that comes with it.

what i learned from this trip is that i love california. i just sat in the sun and soaked it up. the weather was wonderful, that is until the santa ana's came in. i have never experienced such intense wind.

next stop on the whirlwind tour was Cannon Beach Oregon. i was sent there on a work trip to teach an internet class to senior adults. you gotta love my job, right? my topic was "buying and selling on ebay" and unfortunately these tech savvy seniors knew more than i did. but, the trip was completely worth it, because i got to eat my breakfast on the beach on a beautiful northwest day. how often do we get to do that?

the first weekend in november, not but two days after that last trip, found me driving into the middle of nowhere. well, technically it was oregon, but if felt like the middle of nowhere population 32. the annual Northwest Collegiate Ministries fall conference was held at a YoungLife camp just outside of Antelope Oregon. it was a great weekend of hanging out with good friends, making new ones, great worship and an excellent speaker. and yes, this too was considered work. i have a great job!

my travels were completed with two, count them two, trips to Yakima. the first was for the Northwest Baptist Convention's annual meeting. so, this was three long straight days of work. it is a good time for networking as well, after all i am a firm believer that much of life is about who you know. the second and final trip was simply for pleaseure as i spent thanksgiving enjoying time with my family.

here are some sights along the way...

while each and every event was fun and a great experience, i am happy that my life is a little bit more stationary these days. although, i'm sure that the next time duty calls me to some exciting new locale (one can only hope it is hawaii), i won't hesitate to go.

happy trees!

this may sound a little odd, but Bob Ross has been coming up a lot lately. Bob Ross, you know the guy on PBS with the big fro who paints the happy trees. he's come up in conversation on several occasions and most recently in an art class i took. while the latter makes almost perfect sense, i'm sure you're wondering why Bob Ross would be the topic of anyone's conversation. i'm not sure i can answer that and it actually doesn't matter, because this entry is less about Bob Ross and more about me and the art class.


to expain the art class i need to go back a little bit further, back to july to be exact, because that's when i celebrated my birthday and i guess you could say it was one of the monumental ones. this year i struggled with it, didn't really want to celebrate it, maybe even a little bit sad about it. but really it made me begin to question what i was doing with my life and how i got to this point. and while this may sound like a mid-life crisis, maybe that's what it is, a mini mid-life crisis. anyway, my birthday, coupled with Amy Cohen's book "the late bloomers revolution," made me begin to look at all of those things that i've always wanted to do and thought that maybe i would do someday, like...learn to play a musical instrument well, speak a foreign language fluently, travel, learn to paint, and the list could go on and on.


i was inspired by Amy who at the age of 35 learned to ride a bike for the first time, so i decided to start checking some things off my list...fast forward four months and enter Bob Ross and the art class. i signed up for an oil painting class that touted "even an inexperienced artist can produce breathtaking results." and as i sat at the table saturday morning staring at the sample painting portraying what i was about to attempt, i seriously doubted that a beginner could do it, at least not this beginner. i looked for affirmation from those around me, asking if they had done this before, how many times, and if they were convinced that they could produce the desired outcome. i looked for any clue that i could actually pull this off. i found little solace in my Bob Rossian teacher's apparent confidence in my abilities. i had this fear that what came out of me would look less like a thirty year olds work and more like a 3 year olds. my insecurities were wrapped up in my pride because i secretly wanted to be good at this.


what i learned is that not only can i do it, but i did do it. and while i'm not ready to open my own art exhibit, i would say that i am good at it. of course a professional would look at my painting and point out its many flaws, there are some that even i could show you, but for my first time it's pretty good. and, i'm proud of myself and what i've accomplished, but not proud in the way that hinders me or stunts my growth as a person, but proud that i faced a challenge and i came away from it a more well rounded individual.


now on to the next adventure...

coffee cup wisdom...

Starbucks "the way i see it" was brought to my attention at a work event and i must admit that i'm hooked. Starbucks explains their purpose behind this collection of thoughts, opinions and expressions as..."sparking conversation." So, here are some of my favorites...

The Way I See It #233
"i used to think that going to the jungle made my life an adventure. however, after years of unusual work in exotic places, i realize that it is not how far off i go, or how deep into the forest i walk that gives my life meaning. i see that living life fully is what makes life - anyone's life, no matter where they do or do not go - an adventure."
--Maria Fadiman
geographer, ethnobotanist and national geographic emerging explorer

The Way I See It #236
"scientists tell us we only use 5% of our brains, but if they only used 5% of their brains to reach that conclusion, then why should we believe them?"
--Joseph Palm
Starbucks customer from Oshkosh, Wisconsin

The Way I See It #267
"music can lift us out of depression or move us to tears - it is a remedy, a tonic, orange juice for the ear...music is not a luxury, but a necessity."
--Oliver Sacks
Neurologist and author

The Way I See It #268
"music is what i always turn to when i'm feeling a certain way. it's my reason for everything."
--Josh Groban

The Way I See It #272
"be the example; spread hope."
--Cat Cora
Iron Chef

The Way I See It #280
"you can learn a lot more from listening than you can from talking. find someone with whom you don't agree in the slightest and ask them to explain themselves at length. then take a seat, shut your mouth, and don't argue back. it's physically impossible to listen with your mouth open."
--John Moe
Radio host and author

The Way I See It #284
"you can't lead the people, if you don't love the people. you can't save the people, if you don't serve the people."
--Cornel West
Professor at Princeton University

wishin' and hopin'

i have this dream of being a writer. i know that on some level i am a writer, at least my family thinks i am. but, i have this desire to be able to sit down and have the thoughts just pour out of me (which is probably the root behind this blog). the dream of writing something clever and witty, even deep, something that people will want to read. this desire is so strong in me that when i read something that catches my attention, or makes me laugh, i find myself thinking, "man, i wish i could write like that." this is the most recent of these moments. it is an excerpt written by kelly minter in the book "no other gods," where she describes standing in line at a quick copy store on a particularly frantic day.

"i parked and ran into the store only to find a line of about ten people with very interesting and complex printing needs. this triggered one of those irrational moments where you start having personal grievances against people who want things like pictures blown up to banner sizes. seriously, what do they need that for? i secretly mused. i found myself trying to supernaturally control the speed of the cashier, like if i thought hard enough and envisioned her moving just a little more efficiently, perhaps it would come true. i know this doesn't work, but i find it therapeutic anyway."

it's writing like this that makes me stop and say emphatically, "yes, i totally feel that. i've been there. this person is writing about my life." just yesterday i was standing in line at a grocery store wondering how it is that no matter what store, what time of day, or tilt of the earth's axis, i find myself in the longest line possible. there can be one person in front of me, but i guarantee that that one person has five items without price tags, or can't find their debit card, or wants to use cash for part of it, write a check for 1/3 of the remainder and give their first born child for the rest. and i, like kelly, find myself trying to will the cashier to move just a tiny bit faster, or for the shopper to miraculously become organized and move a little bit more efficiently. however, unlike kelly, i don't find this therapeutic at all. i think that this wishing and hoping only causes me to become a little bit more bitter with each second that i wait. and then i question why i'm even getting frustrated, because i'm in no real hurry. i don't have anywhere to be just then. and when i'm done pondering our society's need to have everything faster and quicker and how i SHOULD be different from this world's "gotta have it now" mentality, it's finally my turn to check out.

what i've done....

i don't profess to know the spirtitual status of people in the media. there are the lindsey lohan's and britney spears' of the world that make you believe that they are desperately searching for something to fill a void. but, sometimes i come across someone that really makes me wonder. in the case of the band linkin park, it is more their words than their actions that make me curious. i admit that i don't know much about them, but i am a fan. it may be a bit far fetched to think that they could be christians, seeking maybe...but, i love their new song (featured in the movie transformers, which i also happen to love). i really feel like this could be a spiritual song. whether or not it was intended that way, i don't know, but it has spoken to me so i thought i would share it with you.

"what i've done" by linkin park

in this farewell, there's no blood, there's no alibi

'cause i've drawn regret

from the truth of a thousand lies

so let mercy come

and wash away

what i've done

i'll face myself

to cross out what i've become

erase myself

and let go of what i've done

put to rest what you thought of me

while i clean this slate

with the hands of uncertainty

for what i've done

i start again

and whatever pain may come

today this ends

i'm forgiving what i've done

go out and change your world

the saying...."God won't give you more than you can handle"....well, i put that to the test this last month. at what i can only describe as the urging of God, i committed to spend 12 days on a road trip with 33 perfect strangers, comprised of youth and adult leaders. they were headed to Clovis, California for World Changers and needed a last minute chaperone. i say that this had to be God, because it's against my introverted nature to sign on for something so far out of my comfort zone. this was a HUGE step for me! even more proof this was a God-inspired decision...i was less worried about not knowing anybody and more concerned with what kind of work i would be asked to do.

as it turned out...i had a great time, made some really good friends, and in just five days, with the help of one very competent crew chief, 9 youth, myself, and one other adult, put a new roof on a house. it was HARD work and i still question whether or not it actually looks good...but in the end it was extremely rewarding. you learn a lot about people when you spend 8 hours a day with them in 100 degree heat on top of a roof.

here are some pictures from the trip...

group picture...can you find me? i don't think i can even find myself and i know exactly

where i was standing.

BEFORE

Plywood, plywood, and more plywood.

Lukas, nailing in the final shingle!!!

here's the group with our homeowner, Kandy. she was so happy to have a new roof, which made all the smashed fingers, bloody noses, and heat sickness totally worth it!

bomb's bursting in air...

i spent the 4th of July with thousands of other vancouvians at Fort Vancouver. this was the third year in a row, it's now a tradition! supposedly, it's one of the biggest fireworks displays west of the mississippi. whether that's true or not, i don't know. but, it's probably the best feeling in the world to be sitting in the grass watching a spectacular show with all these strangers surrounding you, everyone singing along with Lee Greenwood's "God bless the USA," united for those thirty minutes.

the best part had to be the woman sitting behind us. every time you would see the little spark shoot into the sky, she would yell enthusiastically...."oh yeah, baby!" and every once in a while she would throw in...."bring it on!"

feel the moroccan beat....

last friday we surprised Jessica for her birthday. we took her to a cool little moroccan restaurant downtown. this place was great. it had great atmosphere, we all sat around a table on little cushions and ate with our hands. the food was fabulous!

there was entertainment....a bellydancer.

we finished the night with a non-traditional birthday cake in the form of Hostess Ho-Ho kabobs and Twinkie cake.

stop and smell the roses....

portland's annual rose festival took place over the past couple of weeks and we decided that we needed to partake in the festivities. here are some pictures of our experiences....



we spent some time down at the water front. apparently, this being a centennial year for the festival, it had some kind of a pirate theme. kind of makes sense with the popularity of Jack Sparrow and all, but it seemed a little bit odd.

the starlight parade is a really big deal. although we weren't aware of this until we made our way downtown and saw the parade route lined with people waiting, with the parade being at least 5 hours away. there is something people do here that blows my mind. they will mark there spot for the parade using duct tape or sidewalk chalk. they write their names in the space, sometimes leaving their lawn chairs. what amazes me about this is that everyone else, for the most part, honors it. i think this would be a great study on social behavior.

we watched the parade from Rea's downtown apartment window. she had the best seats in the house.
i love the entry way into Rea's apartment building. it reminds me of being in a foreign country. although, i've found that being in downtown portland is a foreing country in itself.

there is a race before the parade and people dress up in togas, superhero costumes, a man with a walker and a nurse running behind him, all kinds of crazy things. it was very entertaining. the parade itself started at 9 pm and was a great show. overall, this was another great portland experience.

i want my MTV!

Rob & Big...this is my new favorite show. it's on MTV, and it's really really funny! they are following the life of pro-skateboarder Rob Dyrdek (llittle white boy) and his bodyguard (guarding him from what, i'm still not sure) Big Black (big black guy, thus the name). they are the oddest pairing, which makes it even more comical. the whole show is based around Rob coming up with the most random thing to spend his money on (ex: a little baby mini horse and pasture in his hollywood home's back yard). the "project" usually includes Rob talking Big Black into doing something really stupid...and hilarity ensues. i think what makes this show so funny is that Rob is this extremely articulate white boy from middle america trying to be a little bit gangsta' in LA. i tell ya, it's pure genius! reality tv at it's finest!

when it's time to change you've got to rearrange...

a couple of days ago while i was watching country music videos before work (don't judge), i caught the title of big & rich's new album, titled "between raising hell & amazing grace." is that not the most perfect title for an album? i feel like it could be the title of my life. this is where i find myself, somewhere in between....not quite "raising hell," because when it comes down to it i'm a good girl, mostly due to an innate fear of getting caught. but...i'm not quite fully grasping the "amazing grace" that God so freely gives. i guess you could say i'm riding the fence or walking the line, which is a really scary place to be. i heard it best explained by this question..."at what point did i decide to live in this mediocrity?" ouch! when did i decide that it was easier to live a complacent life, then living life to the fullest enjoying all that God desires to bless me with? if only i would make the effort, make the change. if only...

i'm so amazed that sometimes God uses the trivial to catch my attention.

what's a happenin' hotstuff?

here are some pictures documenting things i've done and seen in the past month or so. enjoy...

i happened to catch the columbia river on a gorgeous day! when the northwest weather cooperates, you can't beat it!

i went home to see my mom for mother's day! it was a fun weekend of good family time. it also happened to be zillah's community days, which included a parade, good food, all the fixings. i even got to see some friends from high school, which was a really good thing. this is a picture of cassadie and jarod right after fishing tadpoles out of the pond. jarod turned 8 a couple of days after this. i can't believe he's 8!

the sunday of memorial day weekend, the girls and i found some hiking trails north of vancouver. they supposedly led to waterfalls, but all we found were picnic tables. there were some things that appeared to be small waterfalls. i worry about the people who see those things and think that's all there is. maybe they've never been to multnomah falls, silver falls, or anywhere else with amazingly spectacular waterfalls, and so they take the "parks and rec" peoples word for it that this is in fact a waterfall. but, i guess ignorance is bliss, right? not to discount the beauty of the place, because it was really beautiful. take, for instance, this bridge...

about a second after i took this picture, the wind picked up and erased the reflection. what's that about being in the right place at the right time?

thissss iiiissss ammmmmmerican idol!

i would like to remind everyone of american idol judge simon cowell's response to the seattle auditions..."they had the worst bunch of miserable singers that i've ever met in my life. it was two days of total misery." (you can read my particular view of the seattle audition by re-reading the january post, "blame it on the rain.") you might be asking why i'm bringing this up now. i feel the need to point out, with help from today's Oregonian..."imagine our delight in pointing out that this year's final two BOTH auditioned and made the cut in Seattle....a supposed bottomless pit of musical doom."

congrats Jordin & Blake!!!

we won't talk about where they found this guy....

life according to me....

in my opinion, i'm a fairly laid back person, easy going, even-keeled. for example, my roommates can tell you that my "road rage" consists of calling peole "punk suckers" when they cut me off. i don't think i have ever sent something back at a restaurant, even when it's wrong, because i avoid confrontation. in fact, you won't find me in a heated debate over theology, the next presidential election, or any subject for that matter, because i run from debates. hate em'. with that said, i get fired up and passionate about the most random things, things that in the grand scheme of things, don't amount to a hill of beans.

for example, i believe strongly that every starbucks experience should come with a money back guarantee. the guarantee should be that if you don't have a positive experience, then you get your drink for free. i understand that this would be a difficult thing to gage, because everyone's idea of a "positive" experience would be different. but, the way i see it, people are going to starbucks for a reason. most likely it's for a caffeine fix, because they're tired, or having a bad day, etc. i fully acknowledge that it's most likely completely psychological, this dependence on coffee. however, i feel like having a bad experience while getting your caffeine boost kind of defeats the purpose.

so, i have compiled a list of things i feel should/shouldn't occur to secure leaving starbucks with a smile, not a frown.
1. the barista should be polite without being over the top cheery. (it's a fine line)
2. they should get your order correct, the first time. (a given you would think)
3. you should receive your drink in a timely manner. (a starbucks run making you late for work does not help matters)
4. you should receive plenty of napkins to accompany your drink. (obviously limited to drive thru experiences, otherwise napkins are completely up to you)
5. the sides of the cup should be clean, not leaving your hand sticky. (in direct correlation to #4)
6. the lid should be on completely and therefore NOT dripping brown liquid all over your khaki pants.
7. finally, when/if one or more of these things does/does not occur, the barista should under no circumstances laugh and say "oh, sorry, i guess it's a bad day for you, huh?" (i believe this girl's employment status should be reconsidered, ok maybe that's a bit strong, but....)

like i said, i'm fully aware that this is minor when compared to say the war in Iraq, the aids epidemic in Africa, or even gas prices. but, for whatever reason, this is what gets me fired up. don't worry, i'm seeking help.

go boy, go girl....

every once in a while my "non-job" (as my roommates refer to it) requires me to work at events over the weekend. while the hours at these events are long, it's usually filled with meeting people and building relationships, networking if you will. i think this is why my roommates say that i have a non-job, because the benefits and perks far outweigh the negatives. ex: i may have to sit in a chair for hours until my back is no longer in its original shape, which is bad, but i get to meet fun people and then take days off later at my own discretion to compensate, which is good! plus, i can go to the chiropractor to fix my crooked back since i have good insurance (a fact that jessica reminded me of...she's not bitter she's just sayin') anyway, this past weekend was one of these working weekends. it was a preschool/children's leadership conference. really it was unlike any event i have worked at in the past. it was upbeat and fun, in fact the worship leader was Jeff Slaughter, the music composer for lifeway. if your church has done lifeway VBS material, then you have most likely seen this guy on the videos teaching you songs with actions. i have to say, though, that no one in their right mind should be ready to jump around flailing their arms at 8:00 in the morning. but, it was entertaining, from my perspective, to watch a room full of adults playing the piano on each others backs (see picture for a visual).

funny jeff slaughter story....i had noticed as he talked with people he would hug them and kiss their cheek. i thought....that's odd, since he made a point of telling us this was his first time to the northwest. how does he know all these people? a co-worker answered that question for me after she was introduced to him and received her hug. this was her answer...."this is his first time to the northwest, no one's told him we don't do that here, hug strangers. it's a southern thing."

sidenote: why is it that gresham oregon is the land that starbucks forgot? in washington there's one on every corner. but, on the day that i have to leave my house at 6:45 am to get to gresham by 7:30 am there's no starbucks to be seen. i don't get it.

cinco de rea-o

may 5th is my good friend Rae Trim's birthday! beacause of scheduling conflicts, we had to throw her surprise party last weekend. the party was in fact a surprise, amazingly enough we pulled it off, and it was a fun time of roasting and toasting our good friend as we celebrated her 40th birthday. here are some pictures of Rea!
this last picture is posted in honor of Rea. we stumbled upon this sign on the way to our single awareness day dinner and Rea later wrote a song about it. trust me when i say that the roadway is in fact not improved.

kickin' it old school

this was the last song i heard on the radio on my way to work this morning. if only i could remember other things in my life as well as i remembered the words to this song from 1988. if you want, you can check out the video at www.youtube.com/watch?v=-O4sSZc2WCU. there's joy in the little things....

Will Smith
parents just don't understand

you know parents are the same no matter time nor place
they don't understand that us kids are gonna make some mistakes
so to you, all the kids all across the land
there's no need to argue, parents just don't understand

i remember one year my mom took me school shopping
it was me, my brother, my mom, oh, my pop, and my little sister
all hopped in the car we headed downtown to the gallery mall
my mom started bugging with the clothes she chose
i didn't say nothing at first i just turned up my nose
she said, "what's wrong? this shirt cost $20"
i said, "mom, this shirt is plaid with a butterfly collar!"
the next half hour was the same old thing
my mother buying me clothes from 1963
and then she lost her mind and did the ultimate
i asked her for adidas and she bought my zips!
i said, "mom, what are you doing, you'll ruin my rep"
she said, "you're only sixteen you don't have a rep yet"
i said, "mom, let's put these clothes back, please"
she said, "no, you go to school to learn not for a fashion show"
i said, "this isn't sha na na, come on mom, i'm not bowser
mom, please put back the bell-bottom brady bunch trousers
but if you don't want to i can live with that but
you gotta put back the double-knit reversible slacks"
she wasn't moved - everything stayed the same
inevitably the first day of school came
i thought i could get over, i tried to play sick
but mom said "no, no way, uh-uh, forget it"
there was nothing i could do, i tried to relax
i got dressed up in those ancient artifacts
and when i walked into school, it was just as i thought
the kids were cracking up laughing at the clothes mom bought
and those who weren't laughing still had a ball
because they were pointing and whispering as i walked down the hall
i got home and told my mom how my day went
she said, "if they were laughing you don't need them, cause they're not good friends"
for the next six hours i tried to explain to my mom
that i was gonna have to go through this about 200 more times
so to you all the kids
there' s no need to argue, parents just don't understand

oh-kay, here's the situation, my parents went away for a weeks vacation and
they left the keys to the brand new porsche
would they mind? umm, well, of course not
i'll just take it for a little spin, and maybe show it off to a couple of friends
i'll just cruise it around the neighborhood
well, maybe i shouldn't, yeah, of course i should
pay attention, here's the thick of the plot
i pulled up to the corner at the end of the block
that's when i saw this beautiful girlie girl walking
i picked up my car phone to perpetrate like i was talking
you should've seen this girl's bodily dimensions
i honked my horn just to get her attention
she said, "was that for me?"
i said, "yeah"
she said, "why?'
i said, "come on and take a ride with a helluva guy"
she said, "how do I know you're not sick? you could be some deranged lunatic"
i said, "c'mon toots - my name is the Prince.
besides would a lunatic have a porsche like this?"
she agreed and we were on our way
she was looking very good and so was i, i must say - word
we hit mcdonald's, pulled into the drive
we ordered two big macs and two large fries with cokes
she kicked her shoes off onto the floor
she said, "drive fast, speed turns me on"
she put her hand on my knee, i put my foot on the gas
we almost got whiplash, i took off so fast
the sun roof was open, the music was high
and this girl's hand was steadily moving up my thigh
she had opened up three buttons on her shirt so far
i guess that's why i didn't notice that police car
we're doing ninety in my mom's new porsche
and to make this long story short - short
when the cop pulled me over i was scared as hell
i said, "i don't have a license but i drive very well, officer"
i almost had a heart attack that day
come to find out the girl was a twelve-year-old runaway
i was arrested, the car was impounded
there was no way for me to avoid being grounded
my parents had to come off from vacation to get me
i'd rather be in jail than to have my father hit me
my parents walked in, i got my grip
i said, "ah, mom, dad, how was your trip?"
they didn't speak - i said, "I want to plead my case"
but my father just shoved me in the car by my face
that was a hard ride home, i don't know how i survived
they took turns - one would be beat me while the other was driving
i can't believe it, i just made a mistake
well parents are the same no matter time nor place
so, to you all the kids all across the land
take it from me, parents just don't understand

humor...not just a defense mechanism

last night we went to tacoma to enjoy ang's birthday present....
comedien brian regan...he is a funny funny man, and clean too! i won't attempt to repeat any of his jokes, because so much of what makes you laugh is the way he says things. all i can say is...check him out at www.brianregan.com. he can make a three day car trip fly by, trust me.