N.E.R.D.

recently, some friends were giving me a hard time about attending a conference for writers and authors.  they said that if i paid money to attend this conference, then i'm a nerd.  this kind of surprised me.  but, then i realized that i just don't care.  i think that most people are nerds about something.  well, i guess most people that are passionate about something, anyway.  so, if writing makes me a nerd...then i'm a nerd.  at my writers conference (yes, the one i paid money to attend) one of the authors said that "writing is a super power."  i liked this...a lot.  and, i'm guessing that my friends would say that this too made me a nerd.

last night my friend Stephanie and i went to a meeting called a "plot party."  the point of this party was to meet other people embarking on a book writing adventure through National Novel Writing Month.  NaNoWriMo is an event where you write a specific amount of words every day for a month in the hopes that at the end you would have something that resembles a book.  i fully admit that while i've always wanted to write a book...it was complete peer pressure that talked me into doing this.  a fact that became more evident when i reached the plot party and realized that there are people who are passionate and excited about this adventure.  the purpose in us all getting together is that maybe we would find encouragement for the journey.  i'm secretly hoping that their passion and excitement would rub off on me.

this party also included activities meant to give inspiration and encourage creativity.   my favorite of these were the "story cubes."  the story cubes are real easy...you roll 9 dice and make up a mini story including every picture on each of the dice in a certain amount of time.  I.  LOVED.  THIS!  here is my story...

the words: airplane, dragon, keyhole, driver's license, moon, shooting star, lightning, clock (set to 4), dice (on the #5)

yesterday i got on an airplane.  to get on this airplane i had to show no less than 5 people my driver's license.  literally, if you rolled a dice, it would turn up a 5.  my flight was supposed to leave at 3:46, which i thought was a weird time.  but, here i sit and the clock just struck 4.  this isn't all that surprising, because a plane leaving on time is as likely as a dragon fitting through a keyhole.  it's similar to seeing a shooting star on a cloudy night and being struck by lightning twice.  perhaps even as likely as a man actually walking on the moon.

not bad for less than 2 min.  i embrace my nerdiness!

take a risk...take a chance...make a change

the other day, over coffee, my friend stephanie told me i was brave.  she had to say it a few times before i started believing that maybe it was true.  i don’t feel brave.  on any given day i feel anxious, nervous…unsure.  even though i feel like this, i think stephanie might be right…maybe i am brave.  at least i’ve been trying to be.  my pastor once said that “to get what you want you have to do what you’ve never done.”  this is what i’m trying to do...things i’ve never done.   if i want my life to tell a different story, a better story, then i need to do something different.  so, i’ve been stretching myself, stepping out of my comfort zone, trying new things…things that scare me.  i’m not waiting for friends to go with me, i’m just doing it.  and, i guess maybe this does make me brave.

stephanie also reminded me that every good story involves risk.  if you want to know how i feel about risk, you can read about it here.  in short…i avoid it.  but, what i’ve learned recently is…any perceived risk is actually much less risky then i make it out to be.  the phrase “mountain out of a mole hill” comes to mind.  i blow things out of proportion until it becomes so scary that i talk myself out of it.  truthfully, it’s not that scary, if i really think about it.  i mean…we’re not talking about jumping out of an airplane and chute won’t open kind of risk.

    

i needed this reminder.  i needed to remember that i’m on a good path, headed down a good road, working towards being the best beckie i can be, working towards living a better story.

what doesn't kill you...

what doesn't kill you makes you stronger...we've all heard and/or said this saying dozens of times. it's usually heard in the midst of trials and adversity. it's meant to make you feel better...like if you survive this struggle that you're dealing with, you'll make it to the other side stronger. i actually believe this to be true...if it doesn't kill you, it will make you stronger. you will learn from the experience, you will grow, mature and be a more developed person. plus, it generally makes for a pretty good story.

do you remember the snow suit you had as a kid? you know...the one that covered you completely and made you feel like the kid from "a christmas story?" i remember every year trying mine on to see if it still fit. the snow suit was essential to having fun during the winter months. as an adult...i don't keep a snow suit in storage. but, a couple of weeks ago i found myself wishing i did.

the experience that didn't kill me and the moment that had me wishing for a snow suit were one in the same...learning how to snow ski. while my friends assured me that i wouldn't be going fast enough to get injured let alone die, there was still fear. fear of the ski lift, the fear of looking stupid, the fear of trying and failing, fear of the unknown. fear...lots and lots of fear.

i'm the type of person who generally runs from the fear. i weigh all the possible outcomes and usually end up taking the path with the fewest risks. unfortunately, i think this cautious behavior can sometimes be irrational and keeps me from some really truly great experiences. so, with borrowed clothes, gloves, goggles, etc (and partly due to my friend who said, "Beckie's going to find a way to back out")...I "learned" how to ski. well, i fell down a lot anyway.

what i learned from this exhausting and humbling experience is...1.) The people with you can make it or break it. i was lucky to have some great friends who were extremely patient with me. one of my favorite memories from the day is just sitting with them on the side of a snowy mountain. 2.) allowing the fear to hold me back will only end in regret. if i had backed out, if i hadn't done it, i would have always wished i had.

shortly after returning from my trip i heard the song "what doesn't kill you" by Kelly Clarkson. i love these lyrics..."what doesn't kill you makes you stronger, stand a little taller. what doesn't kill you makes a fighter, footsteps even lighter." i do stand a little taller (that is, after my sore muscles allowed me to) and i feel like my steps are a little lighter. because, i'm extremely proud of myself for trying something new and for not letting the fear rob me of a fantastic experience.