where love and hate collide...

this year i am working at the clark county fair, selling tickets for parking. i am doing this in the evenings, directly after my "day" job. so, from aug. 6-15 i will be working about 15 hour days, which means very little sleep. sounds crazy, i know. but, if you survive the 10 days you have some extra cash, which is always welcome, not to mention some great stories.

my job is basically to stop the cars as they enter the fair grounds and charge them $6 for parking. generally speaking, they do not like this...at all. but, among the grumpy people there are also the nice, the positive and even the funny. it's an exhausting week and i have to deal with some mean people, which i don't like. but, i get to work with some fun people and have great stories and extra money at the end, which i do like.

i'm exactly half way through the ten days and to give you a little taste of what my experience has been like so far, i have written some letters. this is how i would respond to these people if i was given the time during our brief interaction.

1. dear teenage boys in the gray dodge magnum...i know you were just having a good time, but offering to kiss me in exchange for free parking was only slightly funny and mostly gross. BTW...there is a fine line between confidence and arrogance and you are tap dancing all over it.

2. dear driver of the mini van...there is a spider building a pretty righteous web in your passenger side window. in fact, the spider is so large that i can't imagine that it has escaped your notice and therefore have to assume it is some kind of pet.

3. dear sir and madame...getting out of the car to yell at me did not intimidate me. in fact, you only succeeded in making me want to charge you more than $6. P.S. if it wasn't advertised that you would need to pay for parking, than every person in the line behind you with their exact change sticking out the window just waiting for you to get back into your car and drive away clearly must be clairvoyant.

4. dear fellow ticket seller...your lesson on how to tell if someone is russian by the type of car they drive was kind of weird and slightly offensive until you explained that you were russian and fit into this stereotype as well.

5. dear guys in the giant pickup...thank you for your positive attitude about paying the $6, it was refreshing. and, telling me i had a great smile made my night. if you had started with that line i may have let you in for free.

6. dear parking attendants on break...thanks for rushing to help when the big van started going the wrong way and was heading straight toward us. your assistance was not needed, but it felt very chivalrous and i like to see the hustle.

7. dear man who gave me the nasty, sticky, slimy twenty dollar bill...i don't ever want to know what was on that twenty and sincerely hope that the hand sanitizer i used killed whatever it was until i had time to wash it off properly. if your sole purpose was to disgust me out of revenge for having to pay me, then i say "well done, sir."

8. dear little boy in the back seat...when you yelled "thank you" at the top of your lungs as your car pulled away it made me extremely happy. not only was it adorable but it was filled with such joy and excitement that i couldn't help but smile for a long time after you left.

9. dear kid driving the Bentley...you are extremely lucky that you happened to come down the lane of a car enthusiast, because i was so enamored with your car that i didn't even listen to your story about how you had already paid for parking once today and could you pretty please not have to pay for it again. i just said, "your car is fantastic" and sent you on your merry way with a goofy grin on my face. it didn't even occur to me to mind that you are about 12 years old and driving a freakin' Bentley.

10. dear parking lot attendants...we sincerely apologize for passing all the crazies with their incessant questions on to you, but there's only so much one person can take and we thought we would share the love. your friends, the ticket sellers.