you know how after you've read, or heard, or seen something impactful, then that's all you read, or hear, or see? recently, i've been reading the book "wild at heart: discovering the secret of a man's soul" by john eldridge. i know there are some who would argue that as a woman i shouldn't read this book...it's only for men. and, for a long time i believed this argument. but, i'm glad that i changed my mind. this book has not only been enlightening, but it has taught me a lot about myself, the men around me, and the world. while i've been reading, things have been popping up all over the place...reminders, applications, "ahaha" moments.
a couple of years ago i had the following conversation with my nephew...
nephew: i want an uncle
me: why do you want an uncle?
nephew: because i want someone around who understands me.
my nephew is one of few males in a pretty female saturated family. he has three aunts, none of them married. he is often the only male in a room full of women. i never really thought he noticed or that it bothered him. i never thought it was odd that i was the one he wrestled with and played video games with. i didn't really think it mattered. and then, the other day i read this...
"a boy learns who he is and what he's got from a man, or the company of men. he cannot learn it any other place. he cannot learn it from other boys, and he cannot learn it from the world of women."
i'm not saying that i'm concerned about my nephew's masculinity, he has some amazing men in his life...his father, my father, grandfather's. but, this was a lesson for me. i somehow thought that by filling the role of both the aunt and the uncle, i was meeting a need. but, as much as i would like to believe that i "understand" boys...it's impossible.
the other night i was watching one of my new favorite shows, traffic light, and this happened...
in a follow up scene, the wife becomes upset when the husband allows the little boy to be photographed in a cowboy costume with guns, she calls him a "baby ted nugent." this instigates an argument weighing whether or not guns are inherently bad. finally the husband brings up hunting and reminds the wife that she's okay with him hunting. the wife responds, "you haven't done that since we got together...i tamed you."
i honestly don't know if i would have given this episode a second thought if i hadn't been reading this book. but, with john eldridge's words in my head, all i could think was..."no, you're emasculating your husband and you're getting ready to do the same thing to your son."
"society at large can't make up its mind about men. having spent the last thirty years redefining masculinity into something more sensitive, safe, manageable and, well, feminine, it now berates men for not being men."
i was listening to ryan seacrest's radio show the other day and he asked..."do you think it's weird when a guy orders something that is typically ordered by women?" he then proceeded to tell what he had ordered, and i have no clue what it was. but, i think ryan is a perfect example of this point, because he is the epitome of "metrosexual." i would be surprised if i found out that he went hunting on the weekends with his buddies. he is an example of this redefined masculinity...sensitive, safe, manageable. and, we all secretly question his sexuality.
we are bi-polar. we want men to be strong, secure, safe, with an emphasis on safe. we don't want them to play with guns, sky dive, or anything too dangerous. we want to change them, to tame them. but, we still want them to be men, masculine. i don't think we can have it both ways.
